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Radio Theater |
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TimeMenders |
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Narrator:
It was a dark and stormy night. [storm noises] In a dimly lit laboratory in the basement of the O'Connell Building on the campus of Delaware Valley University, Professor Extapuzar was hard at work. [construction SFX] Prof. E.: My time machine is nearly finished! Computer, run these calculations. As soon as I program them in, I'll be able to travel to any time in history! Computer: Give it a rest, Extapuzar. It's late, and my transistors need recharging. Prof. E.: Now listen here, computer... [his voice fades out, narrator fades in] Narrator: Meanwhile, across campus, in a garret filled with cobwebs, sitting next to a hungry rat, under an angry bat, by the light of a single candle, the mad Dr. Underhand was writing with her quill pen. Her pet chicken, Melchizedek, snoozed beside her. [snore, cluck cluck] Dr. U.: [snap!] Oh, rats! The quill broke! Dr.
U.: [squawk!!] Hold still,
Melchizedek -- I only need one feather! [pop!
SFX} [sound
of chicken squawking fades] Dr.
U.: Diary entry [date of show]: I have learned that Professor Extapuzar is
building a time machine. Much as I
hate Extapuzar, I believe his contraption may work.
Soon, I will find a way to make it mine, and then all history will
be at my mercy! My first
task, of course, will be to get rid of the science and technology that threaten my
power... (maniacal laugh!) Narrator: Meanwhile, back across campus again, Professor Extapuzar was very happy with the result of his efforts. Prof. E.: [lab sounds -- bubbles, etc.] I am really very happy with the result of my efforts. Computer, pay attention! Isn't this an incredible achievement? A time machine that will really work! Computer:
(sleepy) Yeah, yeah. Very nice.
I'm calculating it to 2 million places.
Now can I get back to work? Prof E.: Yes -- I'll just lie down on this cot in the corner of the laboratory. Computer? Computer: 321,925... What now? Prof. E.: You know, I really think it will work. Computer: When pigs get wings! Prof. E.: Don't you have any faith in me? Computer: None. Goodnight. Narrator: Soon, Prof. Extapuzar was asleep. [snores] Little did he know that the mad Dr. Underhand was lurking outside, waiting for her chance to steal the remarkable new invention! The window opened -- [creak!] and
footsteps crossed the floor. [step, step, step] Dr.
Underhand opened the door to the time machine -- [a different creak!] turned the key -- [transmission noises] and in a moment, she -- and the time machine -- were gone! [time machine noises] Prof. Extapuzar, being a sound sleeper (as great minds often are) did not wake up. The computer, which had been programmed with a serious attitude problem, did not bother to wake him. It wasn't till dawn broke -- [breaking glass] that Prof. Extapuzar realized his time machine was -- GONE! [organ
-- DA DAAAH!] Prof. E.: My time machine! It's -- GONE! [organ -- DA DAAAH!] Narrator: At that very moment, who should enter the laboratory but Prof. Sophia, a colleague and friend of Prof. Extapuzar. Prof. S: Good morning, Prof. Ext -- good heavens! Your time machine! [everyone joins in] Its -- GONE! [organ -- DA DAAAAH!] Prof. S: This is terrible. I may be too late. I wanted to see you first thing this morning because I found this -- the diary of Dr. Underhand, your arch rival. Her last entry says that she intended to steal your time machine. She wants to take over history. Her plan is to go back in time and stop inventors from inventing the technologies that make our world work. If she's the only one who can control technology -- Prof.
E: She could control the world! [organ -- DA DAAAH!] Prof. E: This is terrible! All: SHE MUST BE STOPPED! [organ: DA DAAAH!] Prof. S: Isn't there some way we could follow her and stop her? [OPPORTUNITY FOR CHILD TO MAKE SUGGESTIONS] Prof. E: Well, those are all good ideas. But by an unbelievable coincidence, I just happen to have an extra time machine in the closet. I forgot to finish it. I'll pull it out. [sounds of everything falling out of the closet] It'll just take a few minutes to put on the final touches. [saws, jackhammers, etc.] Narrator: In a few hours, they were ready to go. Prof. S: Wow -- I'm really impressed! What's the name of this machine? And what does it do? Prof. E: Gee -- I forgot to name it... Prof. S: Well, can anyone tell me about this time machine? [OPPORTUNITY FOR A CHILD TO RESPOND WITH NAME AND SOME FUNCTIONS OF TIME MACHINE] Prof. Sophia and Prof. Extapuzar shoved the computer aboard -- Computer: But I'm not programmed for time travel! Besides, I haven't finished my calculations! Prof. E: Come on, stop complaining. This'll be fun! (huffing and puffing] Computer: But where are we going? and when? Prof. E: Good point. When are we going? and where? Prof S: Well, according to this diary, Dr. Underhand wanted to stop Thomas Edison first. Prof E: Edison? OK, all right -- but how much do we know about Edison? [OPPORTUNITY
FOR A CHILD TO RESPOND with info about Edison.
Hopefully, the child will give the basics: that Edison worked in NJ,
during the late 1800's. If not,
Computer can supply that information.] Computer: Sounds about right to me. Prof. S: Let's pick a year. How about 1880? Prof. E: If you say so. Come on computer -- program it in, and let's go! Computer: Not so fast. You come up with a name for this silly time-machine contraption, but me -- who works and slaves for you for years -- I don't need a name? What am I -- chopped liver? Prof. E.: I'm sorry, computer. I sort of forgot to name you. Prof S.: It's hard to name an entity as complex as you are, computer. But we can do it right now -- very quickly. What would be a good name -- and what are some of your functions? [OPPORTUNITY FOR A CHILD TO RESPOND] Prof. E.: Well? What do you think, (uses new name)? Is it everything you hoped for? Computer: Not all bad. Not bad at all. Okay, I suppose we can get going now. Buckle up for safety, and hang on tight! [time machine noises -- and they're off!] Prof. E.: We'll be arriving at Menlo Park any minute now. Prof. S: We should be wearing clothes like the ones they wore in 1880. But I don't see any closets in this time machine. Computer:
Since I'm programmed for fashion design and manufacture, I can provide you with
anything you want. What do you
need? Prof. S: Hm... I'm not sure. Does anyone have any ideas? [OPPORTUNITY FOR CHILD TO RESPOND WITH CLOTHING IDEAS] Prof. E: Yes, that sounds great. Oh -- and a walking stick with a gold knob. Oh -- and a pocket watch! I love pocket watches. Computer: Coming up! [clothes-making noises] Narrator:
And none too soon! Our heroes
hurried into their old-fashioned clothes as the time machine arrived behind a
barn on a wintry day in Menlo Park, NJ. They
opened the door [creak] and stepped out into the world of 1880.
[crunch of feet in snow] They
were all thrilled to be there. Prof. E.: Wow! We're back in time! Isn't this thrilling? Computer: No, it's freezing! Can't we go back now? My tape drive is getting sluggish! Prof. S: No! We have a job to do. We have to find Edison's labs. Narrator: So off they went to find Edison's labs, leaving the computer to stay nice and warm in the time machine. There was nothing in sight but a big white farmhouse and a few scattered buildings. It didn't look like much. Prof. E.: Gee -- this doesn't look like much! Prof. S.: Maybe we can ask the way. There's a little (boy/girl) now. Excuse me! Can you tell me the way to Thomas Edison's laboratory? [CHILD RESPONDS ON TELEPHONE] Child:
Sure! It's right over there!
See the white farmhouse? Prof E: That's it? Child: It sure is. He's doing some really exciting work. He really knocked the socks off the president a few years ago! Prof. S: He did? How? Wait, little (boy/girl)! Come back! Prof. E: Looks like he/she is more interested in sledding than in us. In fact, that looks like fun! Think I'll join him/her -- Prof. S.: Get back here! We have a job to do! Prof. E.: Oh -- right! I forgot. Narrator: Professors Extapuzar and Sophia hurried through the snow to the laboratory. Prof.
S.: Now, when we get there we'll have to figure out what Dr. Underhand might
have said. Did she try to talk
Edison out of inventing the phonograph? Or
the electric light bulb? Or
something else? Do you suppose she
succeeded? Narrator: Prof. E. just shook his head and looked worried. Soon, they were knocking at the door of the lab. [knock knock.] Inside, about a dozen young men were busy at work. [workshop noises] There were blueprints on the wall, gears and springs on the floor, and about half-a-dozen unfinished machines sitting on tables around the room. One man spotted them at the door, and hurried over. Edison: Good day sir, madam. How can I help you? We're very busy here, and we don't have a great deal of spare time. Prof. S.: We're looking for the famous Thomas Edison. Edison: I'm Edison. What do you want? Prof. E.: Have you seen a strange woman in the past few hours? She's about this tall, and she's probably wearing some very odd-looking clothes. Edison: Oh, yes, I know who you mean. She just left a little while ago. What an intelligent young woman! She had some very useful ideas. Prof. S.: Oh, really? Well, we're here to tell you that that woman is an imposter. She doesn't really know anything about your inventions. I'll bet she tried to talk you out of developing the phonograph! Edison: The phonograph?! Why, I invented that years ago! In fact, I presented it to President Hayes not long ago. He was very impressed. Prof. S: Oh -- yes, yes, of course. Sorry. Edison: Well, I wouldn't expect a woman to know about that kind of thing. In fact, I wouldn't expect a woman to be traveling around on a winter's day, calling on men she's never met. It's quite surprising, running into two such independent women on one day. Prof. S.: Actually, Mr. Edison, I know quite a lot about "that kind of thing." For example, I know all about you being fired from several jobs as a telegraph operator. Women are changing these days. Perhaps you've heard of Susan B. Anthony? She's been working to get women the right to vote for years. Edison: Is that why you're here? To talk to me about women's suffrage? Because, frankly, I'm not interested. Prof. S.: No, no, not at all. We wanted to talk to you about --the lightbulb. [DING!] Prof. E.: Yes, Mr. Edison. We heard about it, and we're very impressed. Edison: That's odd -- the woman who just left was giving me some ideas about the lightbulb. She's pretty much convinced me it's a bad idea. After all, it'll be long time before people can afford to produce their own electricity. I'll never make any money on the lightbulb. Now this woman had an interesting idea -- the giant candlestick! She thought that I should work on developing a candle that can last for years. It'll sell like hotcakes! People will need several for each room. Yes, I think that, in the long run, it's a better idea that than the lightbulb. Prof. E.: You mean -- you're giving up the idea of perfecting the lightbulb? Edison: For the time being, anyway. Maybe in twenty years or so, when there's a wax shortage... Prof. S.: But there are so many good reasons to develop the lightbulb! Think of the money you could make building powerplants to keep them working! Edison: Do you really think so? Prof. S.: Absolutely -- and besides ... Oh, I need some help thinking of good reasons! [CHILD CALLS IN WITH GOOD REASONS TO DEVELOP LIGHTBULB] Edison:
So you really think the lightbulb is the way to go? Prof. E.: Trust us. We know. Edison: Strange -- that's what the other woman said. Still -- your arguments are better than hers. Prof. S.: So you'll keep working on the lightbulb? Edison: Yes, my dear, I will. Prof. E.: Thank you, Mr. Edison. Thank you so much. Have a nice day! Edison: Yes, well, goodbye. I've got to get back to work! Mr. Kruesi! Forget about the candle! Let's get back to the lightbulb! Narrator: And so our heroes succeeded in thwarting the plans of the mad Dr. Underhand. They left the laboratory and hurried away. Narrator: Soon they were back aboard, and ready to return to 1991. Computer: Well, you took long enough! I've been cold and lonely and I needed a new disk, and I think my batteries are running low, and... Prof.
E.: Well, I call that a good day's work.
We've thwarted the plans of the mad Dr. Underhand, and proved that my
time machine really does work! Prof. S: Yes, we've succeeded -- this time. Computer: That's right -- you don't really believe that Underhand will be satisfied with stopping just one invention do you? Prof E: Don't be so gloomy. I'm sure you two are just imagining the worst. [time machine landing sounds] Here we are -- back in the lab. [door opening sounds] There -- you see? The light bulbs are working just fine, right where we left them! Prof. S.: Yes -- the light bulbs are fine. But -- Prof. E.: Now stop worrying. Dr. Underhand has been stopped. Let's go out and celebrate. I'll go and get my Ford Mustang, and we'll -- [sound of a horse neighing] what was that? Hmm... I'll just poke my head out the window and see. It sounded like a horse. Hey! You! What's that fleabag horse doing outside my laboratory? Voice: What do you mean Prof. Extapuzar? This is your beautiful Mustang, and his name is Ford! Prof. E.: The -- horse? Voice: He's yours, silly! Prof. E.: Where's my car?!?! Voice: Car? What's a car? Prof. E.: Oh noooo...! Computer: There, you see? This is Dr. Underhand's work. I think we all know where she'll strike next! Prof. E.: But I just had the car waxed! This is terrible! All:
HE MUST BE STOPPED! Organ music: Da Dah! Narrator: Tune in next time [date], when Professor Extapuzar asks the question: "Hey! How many oats to the mile does this thing burn?!" [squishing noise] "What did I step in ?? YUCK!" |